Creepy stuff that happens to me on a semi-regular basis

So I got an email this morning:
I am interested in the immediate purchase of your item and will be make payment via cashier check/money order, my private shipping company will handle the shipping, but before payment will be made i need to be sure of who i am dealing with if you are going to be honest and sincere throughout the transaction. A certified cashiers check is cash-able the same day,there is going to be an excess fund on the check ,the excess fund is meant for the private shipping company who will come to your place for pick up of the item, so shipping is not a problem,will you be able to transfer the excess fund to the shipping company the same day you receive the check?. check would be sent to you so when you get payment you can easily cash it at any cashing point near you or deposit in your bank. You'll be sending excess fund to my shipper , which would be meant for shipping arrangement.if you agree, signify your interest by forwarding to me your Final Asking Price, Full Name & Contact Address a
nd Tel # also i will want you to email to my private email address because i had some bad network with my acct in,So plz kindly email me to my email address I await your response soonest.
Best and kind regards,

This is how I plan on responding:

Oh! Fantastic! Thanks so much for targeting me for your scam! I know you think you will get me to respond by dangling a cashiers check (that can be cashed the same day, even!) in front of me, but you know what douchebag? I don't need money (unlike you), therefore I'm not going to be suckered into giving you my personal information.

How about I prove how honest and sincere I am by just sending you the item without you paying anything? Or better yet, why don't I just send you a big wad of cash? Here is my full name and social security number and mother's maiden name and my bank accounts (for good measure!). This is the address that you can send the immediately cash-able at any cashing point cashiers check to:

1234 Gofuckyourself Lane
DoIlooklikeIwasbornyesterday Township,
Biteme, 0923092 USA

Seriously, this happens every month just about. Someone approaches me wanting to buy my most expensive item, but they first want all of my information and the english is always really poor. It's really creepy.

Justinescammers9 Comments